On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me
I've bought a big fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard
As we tucked into our turkey - a most delicious bird.
On the third day of Christmas came the people from next door,
The turkey tasted just as good as it had before.
On the fourth day of Christmas came relatives young and old,
We finished up the Christmas pud and the turkey we had cold.
On the fifth day of Christmas, outside the snowflakes scurried,
But we were warm inside - we had the turkey curried.
On the sixth day of Christmas the Christmas spirit died,
The children fought and bickered - we had turkey rissoles, fried.
On the seventh day of Christmas my truelove he did wince
When he sat down at the table and was offered turkey mince.
On the eight day of Christmas the dog had run for shelter
He'd seen turkey pancakes and the glass of Alka Seltzer.
On the ninth day of Christmas, by lunchtime Dad was blotto
He knew the bird was back again, this time as a risotto.
On the tenth day of Christmas we were drinking home-made brew,
As if that wasn't bad enough we were eating turkey stew.
On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting,
With chilli, soy and oyster sauce the turkey was revolting.
On the twelfth day of Christmas we had smiles on our lips,
The guests had gone, the turkey too and we dined on FISH AND CHIPS.